About Elisa Woods

About me
I’m Elisa Woods, at least that is my pseudonym. I am a fictional writer and I am using this blog as a place to practice my trade. I hope that you don’t mind. If you somehow ended up here….god help ya.

But maybe you can grab a cup of coffee and enjoy everything you read. So here goes…my world as I see it as a fictional writer…

I’m the dictator of Titirantium.

And in this online blog, i want to discuss with you the struggles of ruling a county.

Really I just need to vent. Here is my story: When I was fifteen my dad was assassinated and now I’m “in charge”. My life used to be soooooo chill. I would just hang around the temple on my mac and watch youtube videos. Having servants bring me food and whatnot. My dad never had time for me. Every once in a while he would pop into my room his back arched, and give me this grand lecture on responsibility for millions and honor and something about the people can never know the truth blah blah blah.

My mind was always blank. Being the Monarchs daughter came with its perks. No one could tell me anything and had to do everything for me, that got boring after a while and eventually I started executing anyone who messed up anything.

Some of them deserved it… I mean how hard is it to cook me something that I have never had before and will instantly love!

Gosh darn those idiot and my hormones! Lost many fine chefs that way. Well even the chronic servant executing got boring… a common condition many all powerful children of Kings go though.

Life was a drag but I was semi-content I had Starbucks and wi-fi. Now its all like, “Elisa, we have conclusive evidence that the rebel groups have formed underground lairs surrounding the capital and are planning an attack. Do you want us to search and destroy tactics to mathematically annihilate them all?” and I would say “You know what this nation really needs?”, and he’s like “What your Majesty”, and I’d be like “More pumpkin flavored stuff , just, let the rebels rebel and the slaves slave, and make every school celebrate piñata Fridays”. “But your Majesty…” “NO NO I wont hear any of it! Piñata Fridays James!

The queen has spoken”, “Yes M’lady, will that be before or after Pizza party Fridays?” “AFTER!!!!! But also during, and a little before, You gotta do the pumpkin piñata! No one understands me!!!”.

As you can see I’m surrounded by incompetent fools who know nothing about what a teenage girl needs. But I have a secret. Im actually highly intelligent, and I’m trying to destroy Titirantium from within.

But it isn’t as easy as you think. Number one: If they know what I’m plotting, im sure to be killed. Im surprised that they haven’t caught on to me yet. I’ve been stalling any military action.

The truth is I’m in love with a rebel boy who writes me secret letters, and my mother was once the leader of the rebellion. And killed my father. JK LOL.

My mother was cyborg uterus and my dad a genetically engineered semen prototype sample thing or something like that. So literally have no parents. I’m just gunna be my “Dads” successor. I think he was a president or something I don’t know politics.

I have no boyfriend because everyone Is afraid of touching me, the only truth is I will bring down this government, and im super smart, all my LIVING tutors said so. This world is torture. Seriously I would trade places with any of the division ones in a heart beat.

They may not have food, wifi, medicine… worst of all I’d have to give up starbucks… but my god they don’t have deal with this torture, this boredom everyday, and these constant people nagging about policies and stuff. Im gunna have this be like an online diary and tell you guys my plan to change this nation. Stay tuned. Peace, love and Ice cream. I’m 16! woooh.